Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
