Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
