I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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