you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So many bounce houses so little time
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
