I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
