So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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