i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
