I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
