Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
