So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
