Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
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You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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