I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
