I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I came so hard my ears popped.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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