what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
