If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
