his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I have already put on my inside pants.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
