my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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