when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
