I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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