my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
