My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
