i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
