so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
