We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
