So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
