I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
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