Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize