Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize