I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
