I feel great
I just peed on a car
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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