I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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