READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
