It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
