Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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