He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
