Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My feet surprised me
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