my mouth tastes like poor choices
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
