i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
