Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
