Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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