I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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