he told me I talked like a deaf person
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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