there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Is it because I queefed?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
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