my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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