in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
