hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
