We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
