Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
