You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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