He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
