I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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