just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
