Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
