Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
