she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
