i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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