i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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