i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
