Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
