Whatcha textin bout Willis?
nutella sex= disaster
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
